by Emon Johnson
Note: This article describes a number of body motions and actions we perform consciously and subconsciously. Do them as you read to get a better understanding of the content.
Question: Do you crack your knuckles when you’re angry? Or, have you ever seen that anime glasses-push thing they do when a character’s about to say something super smart? What about the snort you hear when you’re playing someone in a fighting game, following a lot of shit talk, and they win the match. Have you heard that one? You’ll probably suck your teeth or roll your eyes after. Maybe take a deep breath and lift your heels off the floor.
We all have these little motions and sounds we do and make when we’re expressing ourselves or concentrating. Some intentional, like a yawn accompanied with a stretch to get our head straight and body loose. Others, less obvious to our senses, like tilting our head a certain direction when we need to think.
The body is an amazing specimen. When we do these different actions, whether it be intentional, habitual, or reactionary, we download them into our behavioral archive. Essentially entailing the future performance of these actions, should our circumstances reflect whatever situation originally caused them.
Take nervous honesty, for example. A lot of times, when someone’s being questioned on information they are somewhat willing to share, but not entirely sure if they want you to hear it, you’ll see them scratch their leg.
This is a pacifying behavior done to soothe the person. They do this, most likely subconsciously, to alleviate the stress accompanied with feeling vulnerable.
They may scratch when being asked a simple question of, “Was it you who ate my food the other night?” Or, a more serious question, let’s say, while being interviewed, like, “Have you ever had any complications with your supervisors at your previous jobs?” In both of these situations, if our person feels nervous, and they tend to scratch their leg, as most people do when they feel nervous, then we will see them scratch their leg.
We all have different pacifying behaviors we do when things get uncomfortable. Now, if we are able to track these behaviors consciously, we can begin to link the thought-patterns, and external stimuli associated with these thought-patterns, with the actions that normally follow. From there, we can develop counterbalancing actions, or as I like to call them, refocus tics, that will aid us in getting back to living comfortably within our own skin.
In this article, I discuss these refocus tics, which are behaviors we do that remove distracting, painful, or annoying stimuli from our registration of current events. Essentially, they are things we do to try to stay comfortable.
To understand how to intentionally perform refocus tics, which again, are counterbalancing behaviors, expressions, and thoughts to disrupting stimuli, we must first understand our inherent ones. Everyone is different, we must remember this; however, this is not entirely true.
There are 7 microexpressions globally ubiquitous in human nature. These microexpressions, researched and identified by Paul Ekman, an American Psychologist, are: happiness, disgust, fear, anger, sadness, surprise, and contempt.
The importance of knowing this is that though humans are different, and we have things like culture, race, and personal experiences that go into play in how we react to different circumstances, there are still detectable reactions that inevitably occur, given certain conditions. Take fight, flight, freeze reactions, for example, which are a part of our Limbic system. In conjunction with the 7 microexpressions we display automatically given our feelings towards certain external stimuli, we have a plethora of reactions likely to occur, that align with whether we want to combat something, run away from something, or don’t know what to do at all, due to something.
The possibilities presented may look something like this:
|Flight Surprise||Flight Content||Flight Happiness||Flight Sadness||Flight Fear||Flight Anger||Flight Disgust|
|Freeze Surprise||Freeze Content||Freeze Happiness||Freeze Sadness||Freeze Fear||Freeze Anger [X]||Freeze Disgust|
|Fight Surprise||Fight Content||Fight Happiness||Fight Sadness||Fight Fear||Fight Anger||Fight Disgust|
An external stimulus might trigger an inherent microexpression like Anger. In this moment, we are uncontrollably suggested from our brains, to present some physical response outward of ourselves, most likely towards that external stimulus, reflecting that of an “angry” response, i.e., bringing down the brow and firmly pressing the lips.
From there, our behavioral archive － the compilation of previous actions we’ve done before, refocus tics we’ve engineered to become more comfortable, and the power of choice allowing us to attempt a new desired level of comfort － is triggered; and, we do something. We fight, flight, or freeze given that external stimulus’ presence causing that microexpression, in an attempt to establish or reestablish our own being. Perhaps we engage in closer proxemics towards the thing that enraged us, as you’ll often see on the basketball court or sports in general. People tend to walk towards the person they have to stick. And they do so especially quickly when the other person just scored. Or perhaps, a flight reaction may be more comfortable for us, and when anger presents itself, say when seeing someone we don’t quite like down the street, we turn the other way hoping to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. Even in ignoring certain things, a choice is then made to intentionally give attention, and often emotions, to one thing, while not giving it to something else. Perhaps something you have deemed simply a distraction.
Knowing this, it is reasonable to assume that if we were trying to improve in anything, there are certain behaviors and expressions we do and make, indicating our level of comfort and engagement with that activity. Knowing this, it can be assumed that these levels of comfort, which are displayed via our body, can be manipulated by our bodies, by performing or not performing certain actions consciously, rather than automatically. In other words, if in the presence of an uncomfortable stimul, we inherently do something in order to feel comfortable, can we instead choose the next action, following the initial presence of the uncomfortable stimuli, with knowing the reasoning as to why it appeared in the first place; and, knowing automatically the proper self-empowering action that must be done in order to counter the power of the inhibiting force. Essentially knowing in our body and thoughts, why we feel a certain way, and how to compel ourselves feel a preferred way.
For example, if I were aware that when I get nervous, I tend to scratch my leg; and, I don’t want other people, or hell, myself mainly, knowing or thinking that I am are nervous － as, scratching is often related to nervousness, regardless of race or culture － I would then have to engineer new behaviors I’d like to do, should I feel the nervousness inside myself intensify. A behavior that will allow me to feel something else. With hope, I will do something that causes the opposite of nervousness. Something that empowers me.
In essence, if I am able to track the initial feeling of “Oh shit,” from the moment the instability is felt, to the moment my hand begins to move towards my leg, I will then have time to choose how I alleviate myself from that established pressure. That is, scratch that itch.
It is usually some form of scratch, jerk, stretch, or muscle flex, that we’ll perform, in order to stay comfortable. In other instances, once discomfort appears, we may reach for our phones or take a sip of a nearby drink. We may look towards a comforting friend, or just keep smiling and say nothing.
We all have certain behavior chains to different external stimuli.
And again, because these reactions get stored into our behavioral archive, thus perpetuating the likelihood they’ll reoccur, we must properly manage our avoidant behaviors and understand what we do when we embrace challenges, should we want to consciously improve in things and avoid redundant mediocrity.
This way, we choose our actions. This way, we transcend from simply performing the inevitable reactions humans are prone to make. This way, we live ready to execute. Not fluke.
You execute. Do not fluke.
Now here’s how to do this.
1) Choose a Desired Performance Level
To first be good at something we must either be naturally good at it, or have a strong desire to be so. Confidence is key in improving. Believing you have the capability to perform at a certain level, requires first that you identify what this level is and accept the responsibility accompanied with that level. For example, when learning to play basketball, even with just doing lay-up drills, you have to know you’re going to jump consecutively; and consequently, will become tired. However, if in your head and body, you agree to execute all the way throughout, dribble after dribble, until it’s finally time to jump, extend your arm and place the ball in the hoop, you set the tone for proper execution. Simply, you have to want it. Then do it.
Now of course, simply desiring something doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll obtain it. Sometimes you’ll need to watch others, but mainly yourself in how you react to others and the external world around you, in order to use your observational downloads to your benefit. To begin to understand the way you react in certain situations, try keeping a mental dialogue with yourself in different settings. See what thoughts you have while talking with someone. Relax your face, shoulders, and core muscles, and observe how they tighten and loosen given the interaction you are having.
Once you have an understanding of how you react to a certain stimuli, compare your reactions from that external stimuli, to another, similar one. This way, you gain further insight into the situations that cause uneasiness within you. For example, if once, you noticed when you spoke to a person you found very attractive, you found yourself quick to end the conversation or tongue tied; and, in another instance, you did the same thing, you would then have a reasonable understanding of what you do in those types of situations. Knowing this, you would be able to make fairly conclusive inferences on how you might act in a future conversation with another attractive person, should your mindset and intent remain the same. Now, the question is: Are you okay with this?
4) Get Angry with Complacency
If the last statement holds true, in that, you know you’re prone to shrinking yourself, therefore likely to do it again; at this point, intentionally, because you believe it to be your true nature, know that you would then have accepted that your personal happiness, is secondary to the what you believe the external world expects from you. If that is true, if you really believe that…then cut that shit out right now.
You deserve to be happy. You’re essentially required by the law of self-appreciation, to live a life consciously, not simply swayed by the world around you in a perpetual yielding-like fashion. The fuck? Why? Don’t you want to win, yo? Aren’t you tired of not getting what you want and pretending like “Nah, I didn’t really want it all that much” ?
If so, know that creating a new space in your head for a You; one, vigilantly avoidant of weak behavior, someone dedicated to incremental improvements, will serve as a beautiful first step in rising above your old identity. To become a new and improved version of yourself, you must first beat your inherent behaviors that circulate redundant performances.
You are powerful.
5) Remain Consistent and Continuously Grow
Once you’ve decided you deserve comfort, and you’ve chosen the desired performance levels in your many activities, thus increasing your ability to perform them; as, you’ll work until you’ve reached that certain level of performance, you must keep it. Just because you can finally dribble now doesn’t mean it can’t get reset, yo.
As the old saying goes, you never forget how to ride a bike.
That doesn’t mean your body won’t “forget” how to move the way you’d like it to. Without reinforcing the motions, a feat like balancing, peddling and turning simultaneously, can be a difficult trifecta to pull off.
Point is, you have to continue to learn and grow. Continue to choose desired levels of performance; continue to observe how you react to certain stimuli; compare those reactions with similar situations; get angry when you’re performing at a subpar level and are okay with it; and continue to continue.
Straight up, you have to. And when you agree to do so, you foster the best refocus tics in your body that enable you to push past the natural human reactions designed only to protect, and unfortunately baby you.
Remember, distractions, a lack of dedication, and weaknesses appear in a trackable, observable manner in people.
If we act in the opposite of these distractions, of these weaknesses, in both our mind and body, we enable ourselves to obtain the things we truly want.
You. Are. Powerful.
Now, in performing these steps to improve your natural reactions to external stimuli, remember automatic refocus tics will already be happening or ready to happen.
Actually, it’s a great thing. If in attempting to make yourself better, you now consciously feel the behaviors and thoughts you do that make you feel not so good, you at the very least have a tangible list of actions you know you want to change.
Now, all that must be done is to pick the proper refocus tics to counterbalance these automatic behaviors.
And then you’re well on your way to being the best version of yourself.
Below is a list of conscious and unconscious actions/ refocus tics I personally do and my interpretation of what they mean; and, a number of actions people normally do, and what a number of psychologists, behavior analysts, criminal investigators, and poker players believe they mean.
For any of these, if the behavior is done, it does not necessarily mean the thoughts associated are 100% indicative of what is going on in someone’s head. Nevertheless, I believe them to be very damn close.
**The list is continuously expanding. Check for updates**
|Behavior||What I think||What others think||When this usually happens||Should you do this consciously to improve?|
|Rub my nose with my thumb quickly, as if I’m pressing it||Indication of confidence||Relief of tension and a negative thought or feeling just occurred and the nose touch is done to soothe the body or block the negative thought from manifesting||1. Once I know I’ve gotten someone in an argument. 2. When I make a nice shot in basketball3. Beating Someone in a video game4. When I get a good hand in a card/ board game||I personally don’t think rubbing your nose intentionally provides the same confidence boost that comes when you do something intentionally and your body automatically does it. So no.|
|Back of the head scratch||Confusion||Confusion||1. When I’ve begun stumbling on thoughts or words. 2. When I haven’t had answer for something for more than 10 seconds||As an presumsed indication of confusion, intentionally implying to feel this way does not seem progressive. No.|
|Leg cross after being questioned||Guard up||Defensive attitude||1. When being questioned about something personal2. When getting comfortable with people and jokes are about to fly|
|Finger press to top of jaw next to the ear||Restraint during inquisition||Refer to Malcolm X’s interview||1. When I want to listen to what someone has to say and make sure I both don’t interrupt and that I understand|
|Few Blinks||Moving on.||Waiting for feedback, or providing subtle, non-intrusive feedback||1. When I’ve heard something interesting or relevant to me somehow, that I know someone has revealed to me but have not directly told them they just gave me insight|
|Yawning||Avoiding the point/ Getting back to the point||Indication of comfort, especially if mirrored||1. Moving a conversation forward2. Preparing to end a conversation or interaction|
|Deep breath||Sudden realization||Feeling pressure (Look for “Sharp intake of breath”)|
|Lip twitch w/ Eyebrow flicking down||Repressing anger||Eyebrows being pulled down is usually an indication of anger. Most sites say that lips may be “tighten” so, the twitch may be the quick tightening and loosing of this expression.|
|Leg Scratch||Nervous Honesty|
|Rubbing hands to getter||Feeling good/ positive about a future event. Money or foods coming|
|Pressing tongue firmly to roof of mouth||Listening and thinking hard, ready to respond. Anticipating intensely|
|Flicking eyelids downwards||Settling realization|
|Wide eye zone out to “huh”||Fear|